06.29.07

INFORMED CONSENT

Posted in Articles, Women's Issues at 1:12 pm by Jennifer Dowsell, LCSW

“INFORMED CONSENT
The Mental Health Guide To Dating For Women”
by Jennifer Doswell, MSW, LCSW

Introduction

A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed
to cure a person in love. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Love does not have to be blind. In fact, for best results, it must not be.

I believe that romantic relationships are the hardest of partnerships. There are no rules to govern that emotional part or that part of the human need that always demands to be satisfied. In spite of it all, relationships must be a worthwhile
endeavor because so many of us keep trying to get it right. In this book, it is the hope that women will get it right the first time.

Young women tend to idealize relationships and marriage. They fantasize about the loving attentive husband, the white picket fence and the happily ever after. I believe that this illusion of a perfect relationship serves to hinder or impede
a more factual conscious awareness. This illusion promotes a fairy tale picture of relationship bliss as if by merely wishing, one can dream up the perfect mate. It ain’t so. Good relationships require common sense, good judgment, and sufficient
knowledge of the person you plan to share your life with. Sharing your life with someone is a fulltime investment that must be carefully considered. One must be careful when they FALL in love. Falling can be risky business. This can be a precariousventure. Choose wisely.

When is a good time to pay attention- invest in your future-before or after marriage? A lot of people wait too late to properly invest in their love future and only pay attention when something unfortunate happens.

I have noticed that sustaining a great relationship is one of the hardest challenges in life. For some, it is a commitment till death, despite the many life long stressors that often tempt separation and divorce. In contrast, others quit the commitment as soon as familiarity sets in and the relationship loses its appeal. At any rate, it is very difficult. Part of this problem is due to not realizing what one is getting into in the first place.

Good mental health is important to a healthy relationship, and your own personal sanity. Relationships can be trying enough without the hidden surprises of one partner’s emotional problems. There are many categories of mental health problems. There are men who appear likely to be a good husband, but may have deep dependency needs. At first, it may be appealing as you may feel loved and needed, but that may pale when it’s your turn to feel cared for, and he will not be equipped to do so. Or a man may impress you with his plans and dreams of financial success, but the stark reality is that he cannot keep a basic job to support his growing family. These are just a couple of the issues that will be addressed in this book, as they relate to relationships.

Put on your spectacles and go into your dating relationship and ultimately your marriage with your eyes WIDE OPEN.

(excerpt from “Informed Consent - The Mental Health Guide To Dating For Women” - by Jennifer Doswell, MSW, LCSW. Copyright 2007.)

AGGRESSION

Posted in Aggression at 12:36 pm by Jennifer Dowsell, LCSW

Aggression is a pervasive problem in our society, and unfortunately young people largely weigh in as perpetrators. According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Center, aggression is described as pushing, hitting, slapping, biting, kicking, hair-pulling, stabbing, shooting, and rape. Other forms include threatening or intimidating others, malicious teasing, taunting, and name-calling, and the less obvious forms include gossiping, spreading rumors, and encouraging others to reject or exclude someone. A history of persistently aggressive behavior from an early age is associated with later aggression and delinquency in adolescence and adulthood. (Loeber and Hay 1997 www.safeyouth.org).

Motion pictures that celebrate violence and glamorize its portrayal may actually reflect a cynical view of how we as a society have become callused toward violence. Quoting the most recent FBI crime study report (1995), James Alan Fox, Dean of the College of Criminal Justice at Northeastern University, said, “The rateat which boys are committing crimes, particularly homicide, is skyrocketing.” FBI data lists, among other figures, an increase of 165 percent in the number of male youths, aged 14 to 17 who have committed homicides between 1985 and 1993 (Gun murders, 1995). Supporting this trend is an awareness of a sharp increase in violence at school sites where school children, directly exposed to the reality of violence up close, trade the learning process for one of survival. (Doswell & Mikles, 1995).

Reported problems in schools is consistent with the FBI findings, and suggests trends toward increased violence in school settings. In 1940, the seven top problems in public schools were identified by teachers as talking out of turn, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, cutting in line, dress-code infractions, and littering. In 1980, the seven top problems in pubic schools were identified as suicide, assault, robbery, rape, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and pregnancy (Zuckerman, 1993). On April 20, 1999, two high-school seniors from a small town in Colorado, armed with knives, guns, and bombs, executed a heinous assault at Columbine High School. The two boys killed twelve students and one teacher before they killed themselves.

According to the October 1998 issue in the PSI High Newsletter by the Psychology Department at Shippensburg University Volume 24, No. 1, “mental health based prevention, rather than increased punishment or security, is the most effective way of addressing the violence-related issues that do exist.”

(excerpt from “Aggression” - by Doswell & Mikles, copyright 1995.)